What Keeps You Stuck? The Answer May Surprise You

awareness belief system depression inner game stressed stuck

Good Intentions.

Have you ever wanted to make a change in your life, but no matter what you do, you still feel stressed, tired, and stuck?

Have you ever tried saying positive affirmations, but they didn't seem to help? Did you ever feel uneasy, foolish, or even like a fraud just for saying them?

Do you find it hard to decide precisely what you want?

Or maybe you do know what you'd like to change, but no matter how much you think about it, talk about it, or plan to do it, it always feels out of reach.

Perhaps you've realized you self-sabotage, leaving you frustrated, disgusted, and hopeless. If any of this sounds familiar, know you are not alone.

There's a good reason you're stuck.

Not all parts of you are on the same page; some part of you wants the change, while another part really doesn't.

Wait, WHAT.

More information is coming out about our brains, emotions, and how our life experiences shape us. Our perspective is shaped by what we've learned, inherited through DNA and epigenetics, and what we've experienced.

We constantly make choices about what to believe based on the stimuli we receive. We've been making decisions about ourselves, relationships, money, work, faith—you name it—for as long as we've been alive.

These attitudes and choices form our Belief System.

While we don't consciously remember all these beliefs, our brain works to keep us aligned with them, no matter how outdated or young we were when we adopted them. It tries to follow all the "Rules" we've set for ourselves.

Here's a simple scenario someone I know had to work through. Try imagining yourself in this situation and see what it sparks for you.

Let's imagine that the first time you walked to school alone in kindergarten, you got lost.

As you desperately try to figure out what went wrong, you are also experiencing an emotional response. Fear, anger, and embarrassment might all be part of the mix:

Upset with Mom for not being with you.
You feel stupid because this looked so easy the last time you walked the route with her.
Embarrassed if someone sees you looking stupid.
Worried about what happens if you're late.
Terrified at the thought of not being able to find your way to school or get back home.

These thoughts and feelings can be quite intense.

Eventually, you find your way and calm down, but the beliefs you built about yourself, your mother, and even the unseen "others" don't go away.

The many thoughts you had have become ingrained with those intense emotions.

They turned into beliefs about how life will be for you. For someone who had this experience, some of these included:

Nobody helps me.
I always have to do things alone.
When I'm left to do it myself, I mess up.
I'm not good at directions.
Everybody else is smarter than I am.
And the list goes on!

Do you see how a childhood experience at 5 years old can turn into a defining pattern in your life many years later?

You see, our beliefs want to be proven true.

Those emotions want to feel validated, so the brain constantly looks for moments to prove you right and reinforces the belief by repeating the pattern.

Consider how much evidence you could gather to prove just how bad "________" is in your life. Or maybe you have a friend or relative who is continually rehashing past grievances, and there's no way to break them out of their evidence loop. Yep, we've all been there.

Of course, it's great when our beliefs help us succeed in life, but we all know those aren't the only ones we hold.

The problem begins when you want something in your life to change.

Often, what holds us back from reaching our goal is that original pattern, which operates against what we desire. That's when we find ourselves stuck; we are caught between what we want and what we believe deep down must be our truth.

These are the conflicts we need to resolve to find peace and make the changes we seek.

Helping our brain update the thinking and resulting belief helps our conscious and subconscious mind get "on the same page." Now we can implement a plan because the argument, fear, negative emotion, or protectiveness has been addressed and cleared.

Are you ready to enhance your internal dialogue and experience positive changes in your life?

If so, join me in my online coaching program Happiness Dynamics, where you'll learn to uncover the hidden priorities that undermine your motivation, productivity, and relationships.