What Keeps You Stuck? The Answer May Surprise You

Have you ever had the experience of really wanting to make a change in your life, but no matter what you try, you're still just stressed out, tired, and stuck?

Have you tried saying positive affirmations before, but they didn't seem to work?  Did you ever feel uneasy, stupid, or even fraudulent just for saying them?

Do you find yourself unable to decide on what it is exactly that you want?

On the other hand, maybe you really do know what you'd like to change, but no matter how much you think about it, talk about it, make a plan to execute it, it always remains out of reach.

Maybe you've become aware of self-sabotage, which leaves you feeling completely frustrated, disgusted, and hopeless.  If you've had any of these experiences, just know that you are not alone.

There's a really good reason you're stuck here:

Not all parts of you are on the same page; Part of you wants the change. Part of you REALLY doesn't.

...wait, WHAT.

More and more information is being published about our brains, emotions, and how our life experiences shape our lives.  Our perspective is based on what we've been taught, what we inherit through DNA and epigenetics, and what we've experienced.

We are constantly making choices about what to believe based on the stimuli we receive.  We've been making decisions about our self, our relationships, money, work, faith, you name it, for as long as we've been alive.

These attitudes and decisions make up our Belief System, and while we don't consciously remember all of these beliefs, our brain works to keep us in line with them, no matter how outdated or young we were when we adopted them.

It endeavors to follow all of the “Rules” we've set up for ourselves as a result.

Here's a simple scenario that someone I know had to work through. Try putting yourself into this situation and see what sparks for you.

Let's say that the first time you walked to school by yourself in kindergarten, you got lost.

While you are desperately trying to figure out where you went wrong, you also are having an emotional response.  Fear, anger, embarrassment might all be a part of the mix...

You're mad at Mom for not being with you.  You are feeling stupid because this looked so easy the last time you walked the route with her.  Oh no, what if someone sees you looking stupid?  What happens to you if you are late?  What happens if you can't find your way to school or get back home??  These thoughts and feelings can be quite intense.

Now, eventually, you do find your way, and you do calm down, but the beliefs you stacked up about yourself, your mother, and even the unseen “others” didn't disappear...

The many thoughts you had have ingrained themselves with the help of those intense emotions.  They have become beliefs about how life is going to be for you.  For the person who had this scenario, some of these included:

Nobody helps me

I always have to do things by myself.

When I'm left to do it myself, I mess it up.

I'm not good at directions.

Everybody else is smarter than me.

...And the list goes On!

Do you see how an experience at 5 years old has turned into a defining pattern in your life many years later?

You see, our belief wants to be proven true.

Those emotions want to feel validated, and therefore the brain is constantly looking for those moments to prove you right...

...and cement the belief by repeating the pattern.

Think about how much evidence you can bring up to prove how bad “________” is in your life.  Or maybe you have a friend/relative who is always rehashing past grievances, and there's no way to break them out of their evidence loop.  Yep, we've all been there.

Of course, it's great when our beliefs help us thrive in life, but we all know those aren't the only ones we have.

The problem arises when you want something in your life to change.  Often what keeps us from accomplishing our goal is that original pattern, which is operating contrary to what we want.

That's when we find ourselves stuck...

When we realize we are between what we want and what we believe deep down must be our Truth.

These are the arguments that we must solve to gain peace and make the changes we want in our lives.

Helping our brain update the thinking and resulting belief helps our system- the conscious and subconscious mind- get “on the same page.”  Now we can execute a plan because the argument/fear/negative emotion/protectiveness has been addressed and cleared.